Respecting the No

So many times I have seen this particular scenario, particularly with women in my life. I am asked about doing something and I respond with a polite no. Does it end there? No, they proceed to continue their tirade until I give in or conveniently “change my mind”.

Why can’t people respect the no? No means no. This is what I have always been told, usually in the context of dating but there are so many areas where a no should be respected and left alone. Some of the most current infractions have been when asked to purchase something for my apartment, my response was I can’t really afford that right now. Their response? Oh I will buy it and you can pay me back. Again the no was not taken seriously and now my finances are strained.

What this behavior tells me is that no matter how I feel about something, I am not considered. Sometimes I may even feel compromised because I am being asked to do something I am truly not comfortable with. “You will go to this event whether you like it or not” would be at least more honest than “Would you accompany me to this event?”. Rude, but honest and when you don’t respect the no that is just what it is, rude and obnoxious.

I just don’t know what is so hard about letting someone make a decision for themselves and letting that decision stick. If I did the same thing to someone they would scream what a chauvinistic pig I was to force them against their will but when the shoe is on the other foot they believe they are widening my horizons. Thank you but my horizons are wide enough. My previous life was chock full of incidents of not respecting the no to the point that a divorce was the result. So, the next time you ask your significant other about something, let them have the option to say no and respect their decision. This leads to more arguments, strife and hard feelings than most anything else I know.

As you go through your day to day life, think about the times you said no and ended up doing what you didn’t want to do. Remember this feeling when you ask someone else and they politely decline. I cannot tell you how many times I have been put in a very awkward position because I wasn’t into the event. The worst part is that other people will know that you are not wanting to be there and they will tell your host. On your drive home then you will get yelled at and a big fight will ensue over the fact that you were not “respectful” during this event. An event that you already said you were not interested in but nonetheless had to attend. When the no is not respected, that person will if not intentionally, at least subconsciously resent the fact that they were forced into this position.

To avoid conflict and hurt feelings just respect them enough to allow them to make a decision for themselves. The worst situations are when they tell you oh you will enjoy yourself once you get there. No, you won’t because you will spend the evening resenting the fact that you were not respected or considered in the decision. This may be fine for dealing with a child but as an adult it is just insulting.